After The First Date
So you've gone on your first date and you find yourself thinking about the details of everything that went on. You're wondering about how you interacted with this new person and you talk to your friends about it. You're doing all of this in an attempt to decide whether you should go on a second date. Most likely you're trying to figure out at this point whether the two of have anything in common, if there's really a sparkle between the two of you and if you don't immediately see one, how many chances you should give it a shot before deciding to move on.
Let's say at the end of a great date you didn't kiss quite well. What does that mean? The thing to remember is that most people are not bad kissers at all. The two of you may just have different kissing styles. Some go for passionate kissing, others are into soft pecking. You do have to know what you like and try to see if you're getting it from this other person.
But one date is definitely not enough to give you complete information about this aspect of your friendship. You certainly shouldn't base your decision not to see this person on the kiss alone. On your next date you might want to say something like how you have different kissing styles and that maybe you or your date would like to try something else.
If after what seemed to you to be a fantastic meal you notice your date undertipping the wait staff, would you consider this a sign of things to come between the two of you? Well, maybe it's just nerves on your date's part and that it all was an honest mistake. A first date gives hardly enough information for you to determine behavioral patterns. Don't immediately translate the amount of the tip to things like the value of presents you are going to receive on your anniversary or your birthday. If you like the other person in all other respects, you really shouldn't base your final judgment on how much the wait staff was tipped on your first date. Now, if after going out three or four times with this person, you notice the same behavioral pattern, then you do have to decide whether this is something you can deal with for a very long time.
If you've gone out with the same person on say three dates and find that you have almost nothing in common, should you be worried? I think not. The fact that you've gone out three times with each other simply means an ongoing interest that you both have for each other. Maybe it's the apparent lack of common interests that make you interested in each other. At the very least, getting to know this person who seems too different from you should encourage both of you to be more well-rounded people. And hopefully this will also allow you both to develop a common interest with each other.
Here's a more difficult situation. What if your date doesn't find any of your jokes funny? The fact is that most long relationships are built on shared times of laughter. If you can't find stuff you can laugh about together now, chances are you won't find any later. Try to understand that maybe your date was too nervous to laugh but at some point during the initial courtship, you must be able to find some common ground in humor. If not, then it's time to call quits.
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